A natural conclusion.

I've come to the end of the line with this kindness business. Not that I won't strive daily to be kinder, I just have run out of ideas! So, there it is, a natural conclusion to my blog. I have done what I set out to do, I got kinder and I enjoyed it. Thanks for coming along on the ride,  reading my blogs and encouraging me by doing so, it's been fun.
 I have a new challenge and a new blog, so have a nosey….carlysdailyactofchange.blogspot. It's all about putting my strong opinions and ideals into action, I always did have a bit of anarchy in me…so let's see how it all unfolds!

Kindness#19….A rant for moral kindness.

I made a decision today to boycott watching or buying any media related to the Olympics in Sochi, Russia. I also made a decision to be honest and open with my eldest daughter who wanted to watch the opening ceremony. Why? Out of respect and kindness to my gay friends and out of anger and disbelief at Russia's hideous anti gay laws.
Media is a strong conveyer of opinion, emotion and power; switching off is a protest that shuts this down when it's moral core is in question. Kindness encompasses everyone, it doesn't segregate or discriminate, it is strong and has the power to overthrow. 
Make your own mind up about this one. I am not writing this blog to preach. But if I am really going to be kinder I have to follow through. I can't sit and watch a country being showcased when it is lacking greatly in political fairness, making a spectacle of wealth when poverty rises and shutting down protest and calling it propaganda. Kindness#19….A rant for moral kindness.

Kindness #18 ….1000 hits = a few home truths.

Ok, so my blog has reached 1000 hits, so what better way to mark that than to tell some truths. It's kind to be honest right?  Right. So here goes. Clancy, it was me who colored your hair with black vivid when we were in third form (I was very jealous, you were very pretty and you had a horse). I also kissed your boyfriend. Sam P, I borrowed your belt when we were thirteen, I never gave it back and I still wear it ( I think of you when I do). Kerry, I read your diaries during your entire teenage years (they were great). Dad, I stole a very expensive bottle of red wine from your cellar many moons ago, Mum, I skipped high school a lot, jumped out the window at night heaps and….actually best leave it at that. Readers….here's some for you, I am not that kind, because this blog has been hard, really hard. I pretend to be deaf when the kids whinge, I don't do sympathy and I tell eeny, little lies when necessary. I am irritated by feeble people, I am overly sarcastic and if Dora was real I would tell her to piss off. 
So there you have it, my truths, my kindness to you in the form of good old fashioned honesty. Kindness#18 ….1000 hits = a few home truths.

Kindness#17….Bring back humanity.

I am not alone. In so far as, I am not the only person in the world who finds the convenience of self service at the supermarket, not only inconvenient but downright stressful. They have made it foolproof and simple, easy and fast, but I seem to have a glitch in my brain wiring that makes simple really, really hard and fast extra, painfully slow. Complicated and unpredictable I can do….simple, not so much.
 But today I found a kindred spirit a person equally encumbered. I was waiting in line and an elderly lady was clearly in trouble at the self service check out. She was flustered, there was beeping and the other people in the queue were looking at their feet. I felt a pang in my heart, I understood her plight and I stepped out of line and helped. We muddled through, nutted it out and even weighed the bananas and identified them correctly. We no doubt entertained the impatient queue and managed to giggle about it at the same time. She was a sweet heart and together we conquered that talking computer (so demanding, so tedious and lacking greatly in humour). I ditched my milk and bread and helped carry the bags to her car. She clutched my arm and thanked me sincerely, in that earnest way that only the elderly and the very young can. I felt good, I felt triumphant and……..I needed milk. Kindness#17….Bring back humanity.

Kindness#16….The mood police.

I was grumpy today, down-right awful. Nothing could budge my frump and my black mood day seemed to stretch endlessly on. My job puts me right at the coal face of communication and there is no escaping people and there is no escaping the fact that I have to be nice, friendly and happy. Sign language won't cut it, neither would hiding out the back…….Conversation is necessary.  Usually talking is easy peasy and completely enjoyable…..I can generally talk all day about anything and nothing and do it with a cheeriness verging on hysteria. But today it was horrendous, a complete affront to my state of silent brooding.
 I kept it to a minimum, stuck to passing comments about the weather and in avoidance mode I waded through the day. Then she came in, a regular, a lonely and perfectly lovely old lady. An alcoholic with the shakes who no-one else really bothers with.  I always make the biggest effort with her and she has come to expect a chat and a smile. And what did I do?, Miss daily kindness extraordinaire. I hid, yes…. I hid.  I know she is an old lady and yes I know that was very unkind. But well, I was feeling like I was pushing through fog and my smile was very much upside down. Once you jump down a dark hole it's hard to pull yourself up again. 
But then I could see her looking around, smiling at no-one in particular in a disappointed way and I just couldn't stand it.  I said hello, I smiled, she smiled we chatted and the sun came out in my head. I could tell that I was the first person today that she had really spoken to and to deny her that would have been unkind and wrong. So, I have come to a decision and thus my conclusion; bad moods must be kept to a minimum and avoidance tactics applied (chocolate, shopping, red wine etc) and when they do rise to the surface they should be given a cup of tea,  a firm talking to and if severe, quarantined, cordoned off and shut down. Kindness#16….The mood police.

Kindness#15….Parties are necessary.

I was too busy being kind yesterday to write my blog! So here's my explanation. My neighbors are moving, which is a great shame as they are good ones, but on the upside, we can visit them at their new home near the beach. They are long standing residents of our little village and I thought they needed a send off, hence the absence of a blog and the presence of a slightly blurry head and todays mildly fuzzy blog. 
Vast quantities of food, copious amounts of wine, beer and whiskey, plenty of crazy children……..banter, laughter and a bit of reminiscing were present. A humongous cake, dripping with frosting and decorated with chocolate seashells was consumed and friendships firmed up before the moving truck moves out. 
It's easy to overlook such things, people moving on, birthdays, milestones…….when good stuff or not so good stuff happens. Things and people can so easily get shoved to one side and fall through the cracks when life looms large and busyness takes over. I have found, these past few weeks, that kindness does take time and it can seem like a burden. Being selfish is much easier and by far quicker. But kindness brings rewards it is strengthening and fun and holds memories in it's large and outstretched hands. It makes things real. Kindness#15….Parties are necessary.

Kindness#14….For the love of kites.

A kid flying a kite is a cool sight and without getting too cliche it's kinda good for the soul. Well at least my heart was warmed the other day when the boy across the road was flying one, it was bright against the blue sky, a reminiscent symbol of days gone and he looked pretty pleased with himself as well. But the next day I saw the kite stuck up in a big bush of ivy. I imagined his distraught face, not to mention his Mum's when she no doubt had to spend the following half hour consoling, calming and finally bribing away the tears. 
 I climbed the fence, balanced precariously, dodged the barbed wire and the ivy but my height (or lack of)  defied me and so the kite remained. A kite stuck in a tree, a sad sight, a symbol of childhood lost and…..and I'll leave it at that before I get carried away with the metaphors.
 So today, I took a brand spanking new kite across the road, it was blue and red and even had spiderman on it ( it's pretty much a given that little boys love spiderman). He wasn't home but I am sure his face will light up when he sees it and on the next windy day I expect I'll see spiderman flying high, but remember little man, please…. not near the kite hungry ivy! Kindness #14….For the love of kites.

Kindness #13….To hello or not to hello….that is the question.

I say hello a lot, to strangers, people I vaguely know but can't (for the life of me) remember their name. Young people, old people (especially old people), dogs, cats the weird guy who rides his bike around town all day and every day. There are not many who have escaped a hello from me. Except one man. One single person whom I dislike greatly. This man has never been granted even one greeting and I'll tell you something, it has been so incredibly hard. It goes against my grain you see, and the not saying hello to this man is a skill that has taken some time to master.
 I live in awe of people who can be nasty, snobby and downright frosty and I have never understood how they do it. But my dislike of this particular human being is great and my cause is just so I have persevered and through share force of will I have not relented in my non-cheeriness policy. But today my pursuit of kindness was greater and I shrugged off the cold shoulder, I moved the glacier, crossed that very rickety bridge, I unpicked all my stitches of carefully knitted knots and I said…."Hi". As simple as that, I was a quivering, nervous wreck and he (this suited and booted monstrosity) looked through me and said nothing. Oh well, Kindness #12….To hello or not to hello….that is the question.

Kindness#12….Be kind to__________(insert your name here).

Life can be hard, full of difficult choices and we don't always choose wisely. Regrets can weigh heavy and hard, things unsaid, paths not taken and voids that would have been best avoided. My kindness today is to you all…you chose this path so run down it, you are wise even in your worst moments and regrets can be cast off, love spoken and holes filled.
 Be kind to yourself today, turn away from those who defy your good mood, smile at arrogance and whistle a tune that makes you smile. Don't look back, dream in colour and don't try so hard to succeed…you already are. People can be mean, but you don't have to be;  play with your kids, eat chocolate, read a book, laugh at yourself and sleep at night with the knowledge that you did all you could, you chose as you did and your life is as it should be. Kindness#12….Be kind to ______ (insert your name here).

Kindness#11….Rewind.

Here's some facts about my brother; he loves his dog and he loves his boy, he will one day write a great book, he dresses pretty sharp and would secretly like to be a cowboy. He lives in Canada but would rather live in New Zealand. 
We travelled together for a bit when we were in our very early twenties, it was crazy, free and liberating. He was fun, a pain in the ass and a lady killer; he also had the smelliest feet in the whole of Europe. We have a few things in common and plenty of differences, but we both love great books and good music. We two are content with the latest  Chabon novel in one hand, a glass of wine in the other (another middle ground) and a bit of alt-country playing…. folky with words that read like poems and don't have to rhyme.
My brother and I have always exchanged books and songs as a way of saying things that we wouldn't otherwise say and today I made him a CD. Songs that I love and that I think he will too. It talks of an era gone, when tapes were made and exchanged, played on road trips to the beach, sung along to in a beat up old Honda. It sings of Battersea, train rides and acoustic chilling, it drums out the beat of an underground club and it whistles at the back of a high school bus. I hope that it speaks a kindness, a kindness that would otherwise be lost in distance and miles and miles of ocean. Kindness#11….Rewind.

Kindness#10….I extend my hand.

Yesterday, my blog hit 500 views. Now that is probably not so amazing to the seasoned and savvy blogger, but well to me, that seems huge! When I started this it wasn't to gain as many readers as I could (and still isn't but I am getting a tad addicted to checking my stats), it was simply to have a go at being kinder and to flex my writing muscle again. 
So today, I say thanks. Thanks to those that have read a blog and then tuned in again to read another. Thanks, to those that know me and have given me encouragement and suggestions. Danke, Gracias, Shukiria and Merci to those around the globe (I get very excited when a new bit of the map is highlighted). 
You are all very kind to read my eeny, little kindnesses, which seem so small in the grand scale of things. So for now the kindness continues.  Please keep reading, preferably with a cup of tea and a biscuit (that image makes me very happy) and keep suggesting as things might start to get desperate and be kind…to each other and to yourself. Kindness #10….I extend my hand.

Kindness#9….Extreme baking.

The school holidays are almost done and dusted as are my food cupboards. It's fair to say that they are empty, apart from a tin of lentils, some olives and a jar of random homemade jam. My children have tasted a little too much freedom and have a wind swept wayward look verging on feral, they go to bed whenever, wake up whenever and eat whatever they can find. However, the foraging came to an end today, the gravy train had left the station. They were hungry, starving, begging for food and well, there was none to be had. Ingenuity was needed, quick thinking was necessary, these children were going to eat me alive. 
I reached for the very dusty, not been touched in awhile cook book and got rather ravenous myself looking at the pictures. One thing led to another and I decided that no, I would not be making the usual banana muffins that would only take five minutes, no,  I decided to be extra kind and make sticky buns. By name they are a simple thing but in creation they are anything but. Technique was  required which I don't have and time, which I try to cram a lot into, was needed. So it is fair to say that this was (for me at least) an extreme act of kindness never seen before in my household. I had to knead for goodness sake and rest the lump of stuff for a whole hour then roll it, fill it and then (now this almost broke me) I had to rest it again! The kids asked me every two minutes if they were ready, there was flour everywhere and the rolling pin was nowhere to be found (do we actually own one?). But the result was a wonderful sticky goodness and as the kids so eloquently put it, 'Yum as!!' Kindness #9….Extreme baking.

Kindness #8….Life is a balancing act.

I made a discovery on my blog today……statistics. What a revelation! Who knew that people in Pakistan, Germany and Bulgaria, not to mention the United Arab Emirates, read me! It got me thinking, oh yes it did , that gosh these people don't know me and, oh wow, they might actually think that I am nice all the time! Those readers that know me would never have consciously thought this, perhaps under anesthetic, or maybe after a few bottles of wine, but not under normal circumstances. So thought number 2 was, goodness I think I had better balance things out a little. Just to let those that are strangers know that I am not a saint or (I shudder at the thought!) a do-gooder!! 
So here it is, deep breath, hold onto your seats I am about to share some not so kindnesses….I have been known to eat all the lollies in the treat jar and NOT SHARE ANY!!! I once hid the remote so I didn't have to see or hear the bloody cricket and I even gain the occasional lye in by pointing to the cereals, turning on the telly and telling the kids to help themselves.
Are you still with me? Because I have just one more that may potentially lose me half my audience. Here goes….I am a New Zealander and I HATE rugby! There it is, right there in black and white (the All Blacks colors, how ironic)  Kindness#8…..life is a balancing act. 

Kindness #7….The cup of tea can wait.

So today I hit the time for a tea and a bikkie bit of late afternoon. I put the jug on, got my favorite mug, tea bag, Tim Tam, sorted….. Then I looked at the dog. He had his, can we go for a walk? Can we?  Can we please?! face on.  Then I looked at my biggest daughter and she had her, I am so bored, entertain me! face on and so….off went the jug, on went the gumboots and off we all went. What bigger kindness exists than to take a big dog with big energy and a kid who thinks she is Bear Grylls on an adventure! Not to mention the fact that I gave up my life saving, must have before I keel over, cup of tea.
We are luckier than most and have a creek at the bottom of our property that we can walk along for miles and miles, we have seen moreporks, glow worms and fresh water crayfish but never another person there. It narrows, it opens up and lends itself to imaginings. Today the dogs were wizards and the tree roots were snakes, a big rock a crocodile and an old bit of a tractor a magical staff. We found a waterfall, ancient old horse shoes and we got wet. The dogs swam, the kid swam and our gumboots squelched. We returned, treasures in hand, all smiling to the news that we were late for dinner and had been gone an outrageous amount of time…….the perfect ending to any great adventure! Kindness #7….The cup of tea can wait.

Kindness #6….Out with the old.

Today I let go of a part of me that has been hanging around, literally, for the last 15 or so years. Clothes that I bought, when I was twenty something and living in London, was studying arty, farty things at uni and going out every night. I shipped them back to New Zealand nine years ago, a tea chest full of velvet and silk that spoke of South London, adventures and experience gained. They were expensive and beautiful, vibrant and young…. but completely irrelevant to my life now with three children and far too many animals. It was time to let go, not only of my clothes but of the person that I used to be. 
Now, I had options. I could have sold them on trade me for a tidy sum or taken them to the recycle boutique and got a credit note. But instead I put them in the big wheelie bin at the Salvation Army (I filled two!). Did I weep?  No. Did I break down in a heap?  No. But a slight tremor was present in my hands as I dropped my clothes and my past into the great depths.  I did so with a feeling of melancholy for the glamour lost and an awareness of a life shift towards middle age. 
But, then I thought about who would buy and wear my clothes. A young woman discovering my favorite dress, wearing it, loving it, receiving compliments and looking wonderful. I felt cleansed, accepting and then something else, something that I have been feeling much more these days than I ever felt when I wore those clothes…..I felt kind. Kindness #6….Out with the old.

Kindness #5….Role reversal.

Bit of a backwards kindness today…in so far as the kindness was done to me. My lovely neighbours went completely out of their way and lent me their car, their time and themselves. The distance we needed to travel was reasonable and the time it took, considerable……the job also involved a fat and stubborn pony.
What did they gain out of it?  Nothing really, what did I gain?….well a problem solved a job done and a feeling that there are good people out there who care and that can put aside their own busyness to help little old me (and of course a fat and stubborn pony).  I was so grateful and it got me thinking that being grateful is just as important as being kind. The selfish, shallow and arrogant people are missing out and the rest of us; the trying our best ones, are feeling good and quietly, gratefully smug. Kindness #5….Role reversal.

Kindness #4….Snail mail.

When was the last time you wrote a letter? Not just a card with a few lines, but a proper more than one page, took longer than two minutes letter. Well today was my first time in….well forever. It's something we don't do anymore, we email, Facebook, pick up the phone and Skype, but really a letter is something more, something you can hold, keep and cherish. Mine told our UK family about the kids, the weather, the garden and the dog and I hope it held something of us, a conversation of kindness in words that were thought out and pondered over. 
My Mother in Law sends beautiful letters to the kids, telling them funny stories about foxes and squirrels and how high her runner beans have grown. She includes intricate drawings and descriptions of birthday celebrations. You can hear the sing song accent in her words. 
 So my first attempt won't be my last because as I write this I can see her face when the postie hands her over my letter with it's NZ stamp, I can see her stop what she was doing to sit down in the comfy chair in the little front room, her glasses perched on the end of her nose and it makes me feel connected and well, kind I guess. Kindness #4….Snail mail.

Kindness #3….a tub full of love.

A slightly random one today, so bear with me, some back story is needed. I am a bit of a greenie, not a total hippie, but definitely more Green party than National. We recycle, grow veggies and we share baths at night to save hot water (remembering that I am not hugely kind, so I tend to go first). I should probably mention that there are five of us in our clan, so it sucks to be the last person.
 So to get back to my kindness…..I have my lovely and longest time friend staying with me and she wanted a bath in the morning…..and here it is my kindness of the day…..I let her have her own bath! No sharing, not even one child, she had pure untainted water, not a rubber ducky in sight. I had a twinge of panic a moment of horror but I let my kindness over-ride. A bit of a cop out perhaps, but it is what it is, kindness #3….a tub full of love. 

Kindness #2….Postitive Postie.

 Today I thanked the postman. Not a biggie I hear you say. Well no, but I'm sure it made him feel good and it definitely made me feel great. He had gone out of his way, which I don't think happens as much as it used to. People are just so busy, so heads down moving forward, time saving, full of business busy.
 So, I guess it's not so much about the grand gestures as I first thought. It's those little kindnesses, my nice postie taping up my damaged parcel,  taking time when he could have just chucked it in the box and me sitting down and sending an email of thanks…..not a biggie no, yet so easily not done. Would I have done it before I started to write this blog? Probably not (remember, I told you from the get-go that I'm pretty average on the kindness chart). Will I do it again?  Yip, sure will. Kindness #2….positive postie.

Kindness #1….soul food.

Right, so this kindness thing is hard! I wanted to be random, creative, out of the box….but instead I baked a cake. Well four actually, the first two stuck on the bottom, so I did two more. Those two stuck as well……..sure is hard being kind when you have limited bakeware!
 I am visiting a friend this afternoon, she has a new baby and my memory of what that was like is not all that distant. My eldest is eight and my twins are almost five. People were kind to me when I had the twins, others kept their distance. I remember those kindnesses and I especially remember the baking. Cakes held mythical properties to me, I was sleep deprived, more than slightly frazzled and cakes were food for my soul and heart.
 So, you can see now how I arrived at my first act of kindness,  my friend with her hair no doubt out of place and baby sick on her shoulder, her new son being beautiful doing not much at all and my cake……..not so perfect, but hopefully needed. Kindness #1….soul food.

Daily act of random kindness starts….tomorrow…..

I wouldn't say that I am a naturally kind person, not nasty, but definitely not a sunshine and goodness type. Pretty normal really, I give the occasional dollar to a busker, pick up hitch hikers, ask the check out chick if she's having a nice day……pretty regular and pretty un-standout.

 So a daily kindness is my mission, can I do something nice everyday? Apart from the usual I mean, like patting the dog, giving the kids ups for a great drawing or making a coffee for my husband. It has to be random, a real gesture and something that has meaning. I might have to get creative, get uncomfortable, feel embarrassed, feel vulnerable and I will definitely have to try. But hopefully I'll get kinder. 

First daily random act of kindness starts tomorrow…..